Yes, it finally happened; I received my visa and I'm finally back where I belong. I arrived just over three weeks ago, and it's taken until now to start to feel human again. I was exhausted from the pressures of the eleven months I spent in London, and hardly left my cottage until a few days ago. But my joy at being home is absolute; I lie in my bed at night, Snooze under the duvet, Lux on top of it and Candy in her favourite chair, my cabin lit by the light of the full moon shining through my window, and I am truly content. It was a dream that sustained me during the horrors of the last eleven months, and to experience the reality is a source of such magic to me as I remember all the times I came so close to complete despair at the prospect of being separated forever from all that I hold most dear.

There have been many changes at the sanctuary in my absence, not the least of which was the death of Arthur which occurred a few weeks before I returned. Although I was very close to Arthur, I was not blind to his failings; as I'm sure he wasn't blind to mine, and despite his previously successful record with the Vervets, in the last few years, he was no longer the man he was. His health had been fragile for some time, his judgement impaired and I feel that somewhere inside of him he was aware of this, and made a decision to depart this world, and join the monkeys in that great big Vervet forest in the sky. On a personal level, I miss his company very much; we had long talks and discussions, and in many ways were soul mates. But if I look at the bigger picture, I know his demise was the best thing that could have happened, both for him personally and the monkeys.

So much happened during my time in England; it was undoubtedly the most difficult year of my life and made demands on me I felt unable to fulfil. But somehow I did and I survived the experience; but as a friend said to me in a recent email, 'now that you're back where you belong, with all the magic you get from that environment, you will be able to release all the toxins of the last year.' And he was right. The past year proved very toxic; people who I thought were my friends proved not to be; people who initially appeared to admire, respect and value me, then turned on me, and judged me harshly and unfairly for offences I hadn't committed. And although I understand and accept the vagaries of human nature, it still hurt, as these things do and I often felt very unsupported.

But on the other hand, I was also shown such support from other friends far and wide. I did the play Fuchsia shortly before I left, and friends arrived from all over the country and from abroad to lend their support. I gained great comfort from that, and from my two closest friends, who lent me their London flat for the final three weeks of my stay. They were living in their country house and came up to London on average once every week or so, but otherwise I was left to my own devices. It was the first time I had had complete solitude for over ten months, and allowed me to process a lot of the events of the previous ten months. I still have a way to go, but I shall always be grateful for their love, support and generosity during that time. They are the same two friends who were instrumental in getting my visa; without their help and intervention I would never have made it back to Africa, so as you can imagine, my heart is and will remain full of love and profound gratitude for them. If I discovered nothing else during my time in London, I did discover who my real friends are; the ones who are there for me through thick and thin, as I am for them, and friends like that are the only ones worth having.

I went to see my doctor last week, and he said a very interesting thing to me: 'every time you return from the UK you get sick.' And on reflection I realised he was right. He also said, 'with every day you spend in Africa, you will become stronger.' Right again. So guess what? I intend to stay here, now that I have my three year visa the only thing that would make me leave my beloved home, is an offer of well paid work, and a club class airfare, which I feel is eminently reasonable!

I have a lot more to write about, but that can wait for next time; it's been a while since my last blog so I'm anxious to get this one off. I'll be in touch; take care of yourselves and big love from me, Candy, Snooze and Lux x